Kortnie at the 2011 JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes, Tempe Town Lake, Tempe, AZ

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I Wish I Didn't Have Diabetes

"I Wish I Didn't Have Diabetes" This is what I heard one evening from the backseat while we were on the way home from Grandma's. Kortnie was talking to her sister so I didn't interupt, I just listened in.

You see we went to Grandma's house a week or two before Christmas. Grandma only lives about 45 minutes away so it's a trip we take often. We had a good visit and worked on a craft, played with a cousin and just chatted. At one point Grandma mentioned she had made some fudge. The older daughter got excited and wanted a piece so she went and got the pan of fudge out, meanwhile Kortnie checked her BG, she was running a tad bit high, so I cut all the kids a pretty small piece of fudge and madea guess on the carbs. Anastasia kind of whinned about the small piece of fudge and I told her that Kortnie's BG was high and so everyone was getting a small piece and they didn't need a big piece anyways because we we going to leave and go have dinner soon.

We cleaned up our craft mess and started gathering our stuff to go, at this point Grandma says, "Oh, you need a snack for the ride home, I made caramel corn too!" Oh brother! So she brings out the caramel corn and lets each kid fill up a sandwich baggy full of the stuff. We hop in the truck and start heading home, I look up carmel corn on Calorie King on my phone, I think it told me something like 23 carbs for 1oz. So, I said do EZCARB 23 and eat about a 1/3 of the bag. She asked me how much 1/3 is, so I showed her.

After a few minutes she's done eating, so she zipped up the bag and put it away to save for later. Meanwhile, unknown to me, Anastasia is still munching away at her bag of caramel corn, and that's when I heard it.

Kortnie: I wish I didn't have Diabetes

Stasia: Yeah, it sucks

Kortnie: You're lucky.

Stasia: Why?

Kortnie: Because you get to eat anything you want anytime you want, you don't have to check you blood sugar and have a bolus, you can just keep eating.

Stasia: Yeah, I guess (and she keeps eating)

I didn't say anything, I wanted her to stop eating, but I didn't tell her too, I also want her to make her own decisions. I felt bad for Kortnie and my heart broke for her, but I didn't really say anything to her either. It's good that she aknowledges her feelings and I want her to work them out on her own. Anastasia finished her bag of caramel corn, after we got home and had dinner Kortnie wanted some more of her caramel corn, so we weighed some out and she had it for a bedtime snack. At this point Anastasia thought that since Kortnie still had some, she should share. Kortnie didn't want to, and I told her she didn't have to. Her caramel corn lasted a couple of days and Stasia's was gone in 45 minutes. Even though Diabetes definitly does suck, I think Anastasia learned a little about compassion and saving or rationing. Kortnie spoke her feelings and later on that evening felt a little better about herself.

One more little rant. For Christmas from Brian's grandma (83 years old). Kortnie gets 2 bags (pretty big bags) of sugarfree candy, gummy bears and fruit slices. Anastasia got a $40 gift certificate to JC Penny. What's up with that!? The first year Kortnie was diagnosed this same Grandma bought her a bag of sugar free jellybeans, and we actually liked those, they were 1 carb each (just the same as a regular jelly bean), but they were individually wrapped, tiny little packages. Cute and I could tell her to have 3 of them and it was all good.

Ugh! I guess I should approach her and tell her, but I don't want to upset her, she's the type to get all hurt about it. I'll have to see what I can come up with.


  1. I'm sorry that any child has deal with Type 1 D. Kortnie is such a beautiful girl. You are an amazing mom to let the kids make those hard choices on their own. Hang in there! You guys rock!

  2. Aweeee tears!! I was diagnosed with type one when I was 7 and remember having those thoughts too! I am now 26 married and have a baby boy and another on the way...things will get easier Momma :) happy to have found your blog!

  3. Thanks Ladies. I know it'll get easier, it's just sad to see my baby so sad.

  4. Ahh that is so sad! I think you handled that well!

  5. I cannot imagine what that must 'feel' like...it's one thing when you as an adult have to live with it, but when your little one does and you cannot 'take it away' from them...breaks my heart...keep your head up Amanda! ~SMD