Dear Diabetes

Dear Diabetes,

On this date, November 8th, 3 years ago in 2009 you came barreling into my daughters life.  Actually, I'm pretty sure you came into her life awhile before that, but it was on this day, 3 years ago that we found out you were here, and here to stay. 

We've fought the good fight for 3 years, we'll keep on fighting forever if we have to.

 

I will never forget that day, looking down at my little girl so tired and weak, sleeping in her daddy's lap in a church pew, looking like a bag of bones, while I was up on the stand participating in the Primary program.   I will never forget telling my husband, "I'm taking her to the ER, right now" and marveling at the fact that he didn't even try to tell me it would be okay to wait until tomorrow morning when the doctor was in.  I will never forget how she just laid there in that big hospital bed and was too weak to fight off the needle stealing the blood from her arm.  Soon after someone came and told me she had Diabetes, I had to wait a good hour and a half after that to call Brian, he was still at church with no cell phone.  I will never forget the doctors telling me that she was in bad shape and they couldn't keep her at our local hospital, they were afraid she'd go into coma or have a heart attack, they said she had to be flown to Phoenix.  I will never forget them strapping her to a travel gurney and loading her into that helicopter.  Thank the Lord the let me fly down with her, my one and only unforgettable helicopter ride was anything but enjoyable.  I will never forget sitting in the PICU with Kortnie and crying at the site of 7 different tubes of stuff going into her IV. I will always be forever grateful that Brian didn't get there until the next afternoon, by then we were out of the PICU and in a regular room, Kortnie looked so much better, he won't have to live with that frightening image in his head.  I will never forget those 5 days we spent in the hospital, Kortnie, Brian, and I, away from our other kids, missing them like crazy, and scared of how much our lives were changing.  I will never forget the fear, the anger, the fright, the despair, and the confusion I felt. 

 

 I don't know what Kortnie remembers of that time, because I am afraid to ask her.  She does say that you, dear diabetes, you suck.

 

3 years with Type 1 Diabetes, Kortnie added 'It sucks!'

 

 

The other day, we were at Walmart which is right across the street from the hospital.  A helicopter took off, likely flying someone to Phoenix, Brian and I stood in the parking lot watching that helicopter fly away, I said a prayer for whoever was in there.  I looked at Brian watching that helicopter and he told me, "that makes me sad", I told him it made me sad too.  Every time I hear a helicopter fly over my house, I get scared that something has happened to Kortnie at school and that helicopter is going to pick her up.  I can't shake it, it's been 3 years and I can't shake the fear.

 

You know what though, dear diabetes, you have changed us, all of us, and maybe, just maybe, some of those changes are okay.  We eat a little healthier, we've met so many wonderful people, we've made friends in real life, and friends in our computers, we've learned so much, we've been able to teach.  Kortnie is strong, really strong, you have made her extra strong.  You have also made her better at math.  You have given us compassion too.   You aren't winning and you never will.  We will continue to fight, to live, and to strive to advocate and teach, and to look for a cure. 

 

Kortnie and her girls from the Aztec Cabin at D-Camp

 

Kortnie and Sugar at the JDRF Walk

 

 

Kortnie at the JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes 2012, fundraising for a cure.

 

 

 

Don't get me wrong, I hate you, and I try not to hate anything, but I really do hate you, I would kick you to the curb, or take you from Kortnie anytime.  I'll keep the stuff you've given us though. 

 

Today we celebrate, 3 years of kicking your ass.  You still scare me, you still suck, you will still try to take over our lives, but we won't let you, you won't beat us, we'll keep fighting, forever.  You haven't just invaded Kortnie's life, but you've invaded my home, the lives of my family, you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us.  We've made beating you a family affair, with all of us working together, you don't have a chance. 

A 3 year D-Aversary celebration ice cream cone. Yes, she can eat that!

 

Graham and Stasia say it sucks too.

Watch out diabetes, we've got our eye on you!

 



Sincerely,
Kortnie's Family

 

 

 

Day 8 in the Wego NHBPM, the prompt was Write a letter to your Health.

 

 

Kortnie's Diabetes Fact of the day

 

3 years today, living with Type 1 Diabetes
11,000 finger sticks
1,260 syringe injections
320 site changes
16 doctor visits

14 blood draws
5 days in the hospital
2 eye dialations
1urgent care visit
1 ER visit
1 helicopter ride
All because of Type 1 Diabetes
 That's only 3 years, she is only 8 years old, she needs a cure.



 

 



 

 

 



My Favorite Blogs- NHBPM Day 6

Today's post prompts were to write a News Style Post or write about a time you had to take the high road.  Neither of those appealed to me today, so I decided to use one of the alternate prompts, which is to share my favorite blogs. 

I have lots of favorites, but here I'll share my favorite Diabetes blogs.  They are in no particular order.  I also have a list of blogs on the sidebar of my blog, some of those are my favorites, I try to keep that list updated, feel free to click on some of them and read.

Kerri over at Six Until Me or SUM was the first Diabetes blogger I found, shortly after Kortnie was diagnosed.  I was overwhelmed and scared, and ironically had watched the movie Steel Magnolias the day before Kortnie's diagnosis.  Steel Magnolias is about a young woman with Type 1 Diabetes, set in the 80's, she ends up dieing from complications to pregnancy and diabetes.  It is a heartbreaking story, and I was really freaked out, I asked about pregnancy and how normal of a life Kortnie would have while we were still in the hospital, the nurses said she could expect to have a healthy pregnancy and life if she took care of herself, they even mentioned that real life was not like the movie Steel Magnolias.  I laughed and told them I had just watched that movie on Saturday, Kortnie was diagnosed on Sunday and I probably asked that question on Monday or Tuesday.  Anyways, back to Kerri's blog, when I found it, we were probably a month of so into Kortnie's diagnosis and Kerri was blogging about her pregnancy.  I found her to be amusing, but serious, and I loved the peek into a grown woman's life, a woman who had been living with Type 1 Diabetes since she was 6, and was now experiencing her first pregnancy.   I still continue to read her blog often. 

Wendy over at Candy Hearts is another of my favorites.  She is a mom of 3 girls, her oldest daughter has Type 1 and Celiacs, Wendy also has Celiacs.  She even lives in the same state as me.  We have met each other in real life a few times, and our daughters were at Diabetes Camp together over the summer, in the same cabin.  I can't exactly remember how I found her blog, maybe I clicked over from Kerri's blog.  Wendy is passionate, she's a great writer, and she writes about situations that are similar to mine.  I also like that she writes about Celiacs, that is something I am also interested in.  Celiacs is an Auto-Immune disorder that shows up as a Gluten Allergy.  My husbands Grandma has Celiacs, and I sort of assume that Kortnie or one of my other kids will end up with it eventually.  It seems that once you have one Auto-Immune Disorder, more will follow eventually.  She also is a big supporter of the Life For a Child Campaign which is an organization that delivers insulin to children in countries where it is not available.  In some countries a diagnosis with Type 1 Diabetes is a death sentence because those children do not have access to insulin.  One of my favorite posts on her blog was from her husband Mr. Rose, he took questions from the readers and answered them.  He even answered one of my questions.  I asked about how he handled taking care of the kids by himself and if he ever would be annoyed when/if Wendy called asking for a report.  This was at a time when I think we were still fairly newly diagnosed and I was having a hard time leaving Kortnie with her dad-or anyone else for that matter.  Now I am totally fine leaving her, for the record, Brian is an awesome father and very attentive to all of our kids and Diabetes, I do not have a problem leaving him in charge of the big D, he does things differently from me, but I have learned that that is OK! 

Rayna over at Beta Buddies is another of my favorites, she doesn't write super often but when she does it is funny and real.  I laugh and cry and sit here grinning at my computer.  She has colorful language and mascara fringed eye balls.  She is a hockey mom and a D-Mom and a mom who worries about how Diabetes affects the other Non-D kid.  She is an on-the-go mom like me and she gets irritated with her husbands pancreating skills-just like me!  Now in the paragraph above I mentioned that I have learned it's okay that Brian does thing differently from me, that is true, it's okay, but that doesn't mean that I don't roll my eyes at him behind his back or go stomping off when he does something that I don't like.  Somehow, reading about Rayna's Day-In-The-Life puts my day in perspective.  It's just nice to know that other women out there go through the same crap as me, and make the same mistakes and triumphs as me.  It's nice to laugh at the craziness of our world.

Meri at Our Diabetic Life is a fantastic writer.  She is the mother of 4 boys.  FOUR!  Not only is she mom of four boys, but 3 of them have Type 1 Diabetes.  THREE.OF.THEM!  Yikes.  Not only does she parent and love these 4 boys, but she has had a pretty crappy year, maybe the most craptastic year that anyone could imagine.  But, she continues to write, there is love in her writing, she somehow gives her reader comfort and peace, I am amazed at how she just keeps going and always has something good to say, she's also good for a good cry, and we all need that now and then.  I always kind of feel refreshed after a good cry.  I love being able to cry with these women in my computer, most of who I've never met in real life.  Check out her posts Anatomy of a Low and Alice in Diabetesland, two of my most recent favorites of hers. 

A few more of my favorites are
Dword Ramblings another AZ mom whose daughter was at camp with Kortnie.
My Diabetic Child, a mom who is funny and random and makes me laugh.
Death of a Pancreas  Jo, who is witty and made that You Tube video I posted yesterday
Diabetes Sweeties  A mom on the East Coast one of the first blogs I started reading
The Princess and The Pump  A cute girl and a cute mom
Houston...We have a PROBLEM  A fun mom who has 3 great kids, a little guy with T1, and a daughter with Chron's and another sweet girl, they lead a busy and interesting life, the little guy with Type 1 sure seems to keep her on her toes and keeps her laughing with the crazy antics he's in to.
Dimples and Diabetes  a real life friend of mine, her husband has Type 1, her Brother in law has Type 1, her daughter has Type 1, and her nephew too.  She has 5 daughters, they used to live in the same town as us and my Kortnie was friends with one of her daughters before little Libby got diagnosed.  She hasn't blogged in a long time, but she's still one of my favorites.  Love them!

All of these bloggers and many more have become my friends and I love reading about them and sharing some Same-Same with them.  I am also friends with all of them on Facebook and I love that social media gives me a place to connect with these other moms, so we can cry on each others shoulders, vent, share ideas, and lift each other up. 

Type 1 Diabetes Fact of the Day-
Approximately 80 people per day in the US are diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.  I consider ourselves lucky to have Diabetes in this country where we have access to the medications and supplies we need to keep our daughter alive.  A Type 1 Diagnosis in other countries can be a death sentence.   Diabetes hits the poorest hardest. In Zambia, a child with type 1 diabetes can expect to live an average of 11 years. In Mali, the same child can expect to live only 30 months. And in Mozambique, the child is likely to die within a year.

Halloween

 

 

Here is Kortnie, her brother, and sister all ready to do the town's trunk or treat last Saturday.  Graham is a zombie, Kortnie is some kind of purple spider thing, and Stasia is red riding hood. 

 

Tomorrow we will go trick or treating here in our neighborhood. 

 

It seems like Halloween with Type 1 Diabetes can be more trick than treat for some.  Not really for us though.  We just treat it the same as we always have.  Kortnie was diagnosed about a week after Halloween in 2009, so we had a whole year to prepare ourselves for Halloween and that is what we decided, that we'd just take it as it came and try to handle it much in the same that we always had before.

 

So here is what we do, first we get all dressed up and have some dinner, I try to make something warm, filling, and good for us.  Usually a chili, stew, or soup.  Then we head out, we live in a fun neighborhood where we know most of our neighbors.  Usually all the walking and excitement can make Kortnie's blood sugar drop a little low, so we make sure to bring a juice box and her test kit with us.  Of course, lower blood sugars also means she can have a few pieces of candy while we're out walking around, so we all share some candy of course!  We'd rather free-base her some candy than have a bad low and have to have her suck down a juice and stop trick or treating. 

 

Once we get home we still have plenty of trick or treaters still knocking on our door so the kids enjoy staying up for awhile longer to hand out candy.

 

Now, on to the good part.  How do we handle all of the candy our kids bring home?  I am a firm believer that not only does my T1 not need all that candy, but no kid needs all of that candy!  However, some candy is good in moderation, and Halloween candy comes in small fun-sized portions. 

 

First the kids dump out their candy, we give them each a ziplock bag and let them pick out the stuff they really love, you know, the good stuff like chocolate.  They also end up doing trades with each other.  We put their names on their bags of candy and we let them have a piece with lunch or dinner, and sometimes even as a snack, all in moderation of course, the candy will last them quite awhile, at least until Christmas.

 

Next, we take out all the stuff that is good for Low blood sugars and we put that in our Low Box (a box of treats we have for low blood sugars).  Some of the stuff we take out; skittles, pixie sticks, smarties, bottlecaps, sweet tarts, jelly beans, etc.

 

After that, Brian and I get to pick out some of our favorites.  I love those peanut butter taffy things wrapped in orange or black paper, the fat tootsie rolls, and the flavored tootsie rolls, oh and cinnamon bears! 

 

Now whatever is left we either save to make gingerbread houses at Christmastime or hand out to the kids still knocking at our door.  

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Halloween! 

Stay Safe and Have Fun!

and remember...

Let Them Eat Candy!

I got a letter from Kortnie (from Diabetes Camp)

In yesterday's mail there was finally a letter from Kortnie.  As you know she's at Diabetes Camp AZDA right now.  We dropped her off on Saturday and I was kind of hoping that by Monday she'd have written a letter, and that we'd get on by Wednesday.  Well, Wednesdays the mailman came and went with no mail from her.  Not only did I not get a letter on Wed., but nobody else did either.  Sigh.  So Thursday came and I ran out to the mailbox as soon as I hear the mailman out there, and yes! there was a letter from her.  I was so excited, I ripped open the envelope and read it out there crying and smiling.  I came in the house, texted Brian that we got a letter, and also took a picture of it and posted it to Facebook.  Brian quickly called to hear about the letter.  I read it to him over the phone.  It took me a few minutes to get myself together and read it to him because I was crying so much.  I'm a crier, he's used to it, sometimes it makes me crazy though. 

Here is what she wrote, I typed it up using her spelling and grammer.  Gotta work on that. 

 hi mom, dad, Graham & anastasia. What are you doing I miss you so!!! bad I would write more ov these! but I don't have more spac (she only used 1/2 the page, LOL) on Saterday I went swiming on Sunday I rode a horse by my self it was fun. I went swiming agen on Monday. Tusday we went rock climming. and I made it to the top it was fun can send you more envelope for I can write you gise one more time. Love Kortnie 

Note to self:  Next year send more envelopes addressed to me!  I'm so happy that she misses us so!!!bad  I am so happy she's having so much fun.  I hope she got a picture of herself on that horse and rock climbing.  I hope she's using her camera.  Her Grandma got her 2 of those disposable cameras each with 27 pictures.  Its going to be hard to wait to get those photos developed.  I don't know if anywhere up here does 1 hour prints from those.  I think it might  have to be a 2 or 3 day thing.  I'm used to instant photos these digital days.  It'll be easier waiting for those pictures than it was waiting for mail from her or waiting to go pick her up.  I wish she'd have written about what she's been eating or what her blood sugars are.  Those are the things I've been worrying about most, she's a picky eater (what kid isn't?).  I guess if she didn't write about her blood sugar's than they are okay or they are not making a big deal out of the bad/good numbers, which is good because I want her to have fun and I do trust that there at D-Camp her numbers will be monitored and handled.

I am also kind of excited to see that my husband is worrying some and missing Kortnie too.  I knew he'd miss her, she's his buddy, but I never think he worries too much.  He doesn't deal with the minute to minute-ness of diabetes as much as I do.  He is a hardworking dad and husband.  He works 50+ hours a week and is gone from 7am-6:45pm, 5 days a week.  I do 99.9% of Kortnie's diabetes stuff: site changes, night checks, carb counting, doctor visits, insulin configuring, etc.  It's not that he refuses to do it.  He just isn't home for alot of it and in the scheme of things it's just easier for me to get up and do the night checks (I set an alarm for 2:30am, it goes off, I get up do the check, go to the bathroom and back to bed...if it was him, the alarm would go off, he'd turn it off and go back to sleep, I'd have to kick him to wake him up, it would take 5 minutes, he'd finally get up, go check her, come back and then I'd want to know what her number was and what he did about it....see easier for me to do it myself, LOL)  Anyways, most some of the time I feel like he takes it for granted that I do everything, he doesn't ask about her numbers too often, although the past few weeks he has been wondering what her numbers are more often, seems he asks me about the 8pm and 10:30pm numbers most often, of course those are the ones he's home and awake for.  On his days off he does check out her numbers and attempt to do some measuring/carb counting and is getting better at it (I like him to do it MY WAY, not his way...he's getting there and I'm learning to let him do it his way more often) .  While we were gone to Laughlin, we called our other 2 kids every day, but there was no way to call Kortnie, we were pretty much told not to by the camp and we were struggling to follow the rules.  One evening after talking to Stasia and Graham he said to me, "I wish we could call Kortnie".  On the day we dropped her off, I cried and cried, he had his sunglasses on and I know he was sad too, but I didn't get to see if his eyes were tearing up too, I bet they were.   Yesterday when he called to hear about the letter I could tell over the phone he was a bit choked up too, but he was laughing type of choked up.  That was sweet.  Last night when he got home he looked over the letter and got a little teary eyed and said he wishes he could go with me to pick her up.  I told him I'd have her call him as soon as we got in the car.  That made him so happy.  It was good for me to see his feelings, not that I'm glad that he's kind of sad and missing her, but glad that I'm not alone in my feelings. 

Even though it's been a LONG week, it's been a good one.  Brian and I got to spend a much needed weekend away just the 2 of us, marriges take work and I tend to get busy with kids (and Diabetes) and he gets put on the back burner.  It was good to put us on the front burner and be reminded of eachother.  I got to spend some extra quality time with Stasia and Graham, Stasia really needs that.  I got to make some really Carby dinners and not worry about what Kortnie's blood sugars had been all day.  Admittedly Stasia and Graham got to eat more junk more carefreely than usual.  No not necessarily a good thing for them, but hey, they need to live it up a little too, right?

This time tomorrow I will be on my way to pick up my girl.  I am so excited, I can't wait to hear all of her stories and adventures, about the new friends she's made and about how she wants to go back next year.  I really hope she wants to go back.  One girl we met on drop off day was a DC, diabetic counselor, she told us she'd been going to Camp AZDA for 11 years ever since she was 7.  I know that Kortnie is the type of personality that could grow into being a DC and I hope she continues to go to camp, foster these friendships, and become a DC someday.  If she has to have Type 1 Diabetes, I hope she does something good with it.

CareGiver

In the March issue of Woman's Day Magazine there is a section about Caregiver's. It's aimed at the generation of (mostly) Women who are taking care of an older family member. I read through it because, I figure that someday I'll be in this spot. Although the articles are talking about caring for an older adult I saw a lot of similarities to what I do now as a Caregiver/Pancreas for Kortnie.

Yes, she's my kid not an older adult, yes when I choose to be a mom I knew I'd be a "caregiver" to my kids, yes, I care for my other 2 kids too, but when I signed up to be a mommy, I DID NOT sign up to be a Pancreas too, I love all my kids and would do anything for any of them, it's not my fault or Kortnie's fault that her stinkin' pancreas doesn't work, it's just the hand we were delt. Being a wife and mother is hard enough on a good day, but when you add in a kid with a Chronic Illness and you have to literally be thinking about EVERYTHING SHE EATS OR DOES OR WILL BE DOING all the time just to keep her alive, that's a whole new ballgame. Mothering and Caregiving for this kid is taken to a whole new level!

The article that really stood out to me is "Stop Caregiver Burnout" on page 115
Here is a quote from the beginning of the article:
"You know the saying 'If the plane is losing oxygen, put on your own msk firs, then your child's.' If you're caring for a loved one, this applies to you, too. But with over half of caregivers reporting that they're eating poorly and not excercising and three quarters not going to their doctors regularly, it seems that most of them have abandoned their own oxygen masks. And understandably so: Though taking care of a loved one can certainly be fulfilling, there's no denying that it's emotionally taxing."
The article has these 3 main topics:
1 You Resent the Responsibility- It's inevitable that you'll feel frustrated-even angry-about how much of your life you're giving up and how hard the task is Yes! Sometimes this is me
2 You're Grappling with your own Mortality- Taking care of someone who's sick inevitably brings up questions like "Will someone take care of me someday" I wasn't thinking this, but now I am, but really I think this part of the article applies more towards the woman in her 50's and 60's who's taking care of an older adult
3 You Feel GUILTY- As a caregiver, you're making so many important, life changing decisions that it's all too easy to second-guess yourself. Are we teaching her the right way to take care of herself? Did we choose the right pump, doctor, insulin? Are we letting her make enough choices for herself? Will she be able to do this on her own someday, what if I'm not here to take care of her? Does she have independance? Am I forcing her to use a pump or CGM?

Anyways, this article hit home for me. Mostly I struggle with topics 1 and 3. Kortnie was diagnosed in November of 2009, I had only been back to work after having my son for a little over a year. I enjoyed going to work and talking with adults, I was working on losing baby weight, I was plugging along just fine and trying to make myself feel good about me. Then BAM! Diabetes hit like a freight train. I ended up quitting my job, I eventually gained back all the weight I'd lost and then some, everything I did was centered around Diabetes, learning all I could about it, figuring out the best ways to take care of Kortnie, learning how to do shots, choosing pumps, advocating, fundraising, a little whining too. So much, so much, everything was about Diabetes, I lost myself in my grief, I'm pretty sure I neglected my other kids, my husband, myself and maybe even Kortnie a little-not her D-but her Korkyness.

I'm happy to say that somewhere along the way I realized what was going on, I began to resent that D has done this to me, and I'm working at fixing it. I am learning to take more time for myself, I'm working on excercising and getting back in shape, I've been losing weight slowly, I have been getting dressed more often, spending time with friends and my husband, and more non-D time with my kids. I am finding the old me and I am getting my Happy back. No more diving back into bed or burrying my head in the sand. I'm gonna work really hard about not Bitching about what Diabetes is taking away from, but you can bet your ass that I'll still be bitching about what it takes away from Kortnie. well maybe I won't stop bitching, a little ranting and venting can work wonders here and there, I'm gonna own my resentment!

The guilt, that's a tough nut to crack, that's going to be a little harder, it probably won't ever go away, the article says guilt is natural and that it's okay as long as you aknowledge it and don't let it eat at you. I'll work on that, I just hope that even if I make the wrong choices for her now, she'll know someday that I did the best I could and every choice I make or made I will do thoughtfully, carefully and out of love.

Do you feel resentful, guilty or wonder about your own mortality?

31

Yesterday Kortnie had a 31 at school. It was a friggin' mess!

She checks her BG at 7:55am when I drop her off, then again at 11am when she goes to lunch, then at 2:20pm when I pick her up. Of couse she checks in between if she feels like she needs or wants to.

Yesterday she was 185 when I dropped her off, with IOB to cover the breakfast we had a 7:15 (2 20gc Breakfast Burritos). I wasn't worried. Apparently at lunchtime she was 279, they don't call me unless she's over 300. They bolused for her lunch and the correction, I can't remember the carbs she took yesterday but it was probably a pretty big bolus at least 4.45U for the correction (279-120/60). She goes to lunch 11:10-11:45 (she goes to nurse at 11 for her check and bolus). Then they go to recess 1:15-1:30pm. When they got back from recess Kortnie's friend "K" told the teacher that Kortnie was acting weird and dizzy (thanks for looking out K!). Mrs. H, told K to get Kortnie's checker out of her lunch bag while she got the juice. They got Kortnie to check her BG and 31 popped up, they got her to drink her juice and then called the nurse. They did everything they were supposed to, at this point the nurse is supposed to call me and head down to the classroom to get Kortnie. The nurse went to the classroom to get her and Kortnie wouldn't leave her desk, that's when they called me. No big deal (NBD that she went to Kortnie before calling me, BIG DEAL the 31), really, I have told them to take care of her first and call me second. So she called me, I saw on my caller ID that it was Nurse S and like always my heart jumps into my throat. Usually when she calls me it goes like this...
Me: Hello?
Nurse S: Hi, it's me, nothings wrong!
Me: Oh good, what's up?
Yesterday it was like this
Me: Hello?
Nurse S: Kortnie's 31! (panicky)
Me: Holy Crap, give her juice!
Nurse S: She already had one but she won't walk
Me: Give her more, I'm coming!
Thank goodness I only live 1/2 a mile away, I yelled at my son to get in the car and we drove down, I was probably there in less than 2 minutes, but it seemed like FOREVER, we parked in the parent pick up line and ran to her class, didn't stop to check in at the office (BAD! Really nobody cares, I'm PTO President and everyone knows me, they know I'm not there to steal kids, I have my hands full with the ones I already have, and they know better than to mess with me when I'm in D-Mama mode) Got to her class and she had her head laying on her desk, her face was all white and her eyes were glassy, and she was sobbing. (which I'm sure that crying probably makes you drop even lower, I mean it takes a lot of effort to cry) The teacher and nurse were on their knees trying to get her to drink and she was having none of it, the panicked look on their faces made me wonder if that's how I look too? The other kids were watching a movie, some were watching the show and some were watching Kortnie, they looked a little worried and freaked out too. So I knelt down at her desk and took the juice, of course to my little man Graham, this was nothing, he thought since I was down on the ground it was a fine time to jump on my back, Mrs H took him and found him a place to sit and watch the show. All the while I'm whispering to Kortnie, "please drink the juice", she pushes my hand away, "no, I don't want it, sob, sob, sob, leave me alone, sob, sob, sob" I whisper again, "okay let me check you BG" she says to me, "no, it'll hurt, I don't want to, leave me alone, sob, sob, sob", I tried to pick her up and carry her out, she didn't want that either. Finally I convinced her "okay, take the juice sip it while we're walking and I'll take you home". She agreed, I grabbed her kit and her backpack told the boy to Come On!, and we walked out, Nurse S following right behind. I heard some of the kids call out "Bye, Kortnie, hope you feel better". On the way out to my truck I yelled to the Seceratary Mrs L, "Tell Stasia and Z to walk home!" Kortnie sipped her juice all the way home, kind of slumped over with her head on the window. I checked her before we got out of the truck and she was up to 112 (22 minutes after the 31), she still had IOB, (Insulin On Board which means Insulin still in her bloodstream working), I reduced her basal rate of Insulin by 50% **Why didn't I think if disconnecting her pump or suspending or reducing earlier? Panic I guess** for 30 minutes and by 2:50pm she was 163, the rest of the afternoon her numbers were 152 at 3:44pm (Snack), 96 at 5:29pm (Dinner), 160 at 7;11pm (Snack), 295 at 8:52pm (Bedtime), 265 at 10:27pm (My Bedtime), 177 at 2:31am, and she woke up this morning at 131.

Once I got her home, she lay on the couch for awhile until about 3:30, then she was up and ready to go, feeling better and wanting to go to Girl Scouts. I let her go to Scouts because I knew her friend "K" would be there and she would worry if Kortnie didn't show up. So she went to Scouts and had a good time. D-doesn't keep her down for too long. "K" was sure glad to see her.

When my husband got home last night, I told him all about the 31, Kortnie heard me telling him and she didn't even remember 1/2 of the story, she kept saying, "No, I wasn't!" when I told him about the crying and leave me alone part. She never remembers the details of the bad lows or even the bad high's. Maybe that's good that she doesn't remember her "episodes", but it also worries me because is it something she blocks out, or something that her brain misfires and doesn't record the memory?

I asked her if she felt low before everything went down and she said "maybe a little", then I asked her why she didn't go check her BG when she started feeling low, she just shrugged her shoulders. I know it was because she was having fun and playing and didn't want to stop. Hopefully this will make her think twice before ignoring her next Low feeling. Dang it! Life shouldn't have to be this way for little kids, they should just be able to play and have fun and not worry about Blood Sugars and Juice Boxes, Bolus's and Basals, they shouldn't have to wonder if running around with friends will cause them to pass out, act weird, seizure or...worse. It shouldn't have to be this way for anybody. But it is this way and I guess I'm here to help her thru the episodes, good and bad, and I'm here to teach her to listen to her body, and I'm here to "Keep Calm and Carry On" when everyone else is panicking. FUD!!!!!

Kortnie just got home from school, I asked her if anyone said anything to her about yesterday, she told me that Mrs H and Nurse S told her that they were worried all day yesterday. I guess I should have texted them to tell them all was well, I'll have to remember that next time. What am I saying, there better never ever be a next time.

Zumbathon for JDRF

My friend Sandy is a Zumba and ZumbaAtomic instructer here where we live. She also has a nephew and brother in law with Type 1 Diabetes. For the past few months we've been trying to get a Zumbathon organzied to raise money for JDRF. It's finnally happening! I'm so excited to say that we're doing a Zumbathon for JDRF on Saturday Febuary 4th in Show Low, AZ. It's sure to be a fun time and hopefully we'll rasie a good amount of money too. I hope to see a bunch of my local friends there. Let's raise money, have fun and get in some excercise!

JDRF Awards

Kortnie receiving her certificate from JDRF volunteer Ashley.

Kortnie and her Certificate.

Having a snack before the awards started, fruit plate and a spluge of Diet Coke.

Last fall we did our first ever JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes. We registered as a family team, the 5 of us and 1 of Kortnie's friends. We raised about $1300.00! A few weeks ago we got an email that said we were invited to the Family Walk Awards. It just happened that we were planning on being in the Valley that day (the Valley=Phoenix area) (we live about 3.5 hours away), so we RSVP'd yes we'd love to come. We went down Friday afternoon, I took the kids out of school at lunchtime and we drove down. Friday afternoon we did some shopping, Desseret Book and Costco, we checked into the hotel then headed over to the mall. We walked around the mall and had dinner at the food court. Afterwards we went back to the hotel it was about 7:30 p.m. the kids wanted to swim, the pool was heated so I thought why not, let them have some fun! It was a great day and the dreaded D actually behaved itself! The BG's stayed in range between 103 and 174 the whole day! I did notice that walking around the mall and swimming (swimming with the pump disconnected) did make her BG's go down about 15-20 points.

Saturday morning we got up, went to the Continental breakfast at our hotel, a total carb fest of course! Then we checked out and had some time to kill so we went over to Walmart to treat ourselves to new flip flops. We found the place where the JDRF awards were going to be held and signed in. They also had a breakfast set up so we went to see what kind of goodies they had. They had a fruit bar, danishs, donuts, bagels, cereals, sodas, juice, water, and coffee. They actually had alot more junk than I would have expected. Since we had had breakfast only an hour or so earlier I let the kids all get some fruit and a soda. The awards thing was nice, we got to talk with some other D families, Kortnie got a certificate of achievement and we picked up some tips for fundraising for next years walk. We also learned more about the School Walk to Cure Diabetes and I think we'll take part in that this fall. The awards thing ended at about 11:35am, perfect timing, because the main reason we were down in the Valley was to pick up my husband from the airport, his flight was schedualed to land at 11:45, the awards thing was like a 6 minute drive from the airport, we got to the terminal right as his plane pulled up to the gate. Love it when things work out that way! My husband and I both used to work at the Phoenix airport, I worked at Continental Airlines which he was flying in on so I got to see some of my old co-workers that was a really nice treat as well! After we picked up we headed home, doing some more shopping on the way. We went back to the mall and got new phones, then to Sam's Club and out to dinner at Old Country Buffett. As always buffetts give me a D-Headache, Kortnie picks out pretty much all carbs at these, rolls, cinnamon rolls, mac and cheese, mashed potatos, pizza, ice cream with sprinkles, you get the idea. Again, it was supposed to be a fun weekend so we let her get what she wanted. Her BG was 135 before dinner, we did a combo bolus for a whopping 100 carbs, one hour after we finished eating she was a 275, another bolus, 1 hour later down to 237, another bolus, 1 hour later she was back in range (kind of) at 175, another little bolus and by the time we were home she was 118. Midnight check of 116 and, 4 am 123. Not too shabby. It was a great weekend, and Ihave to say I felt like I conqured the D-Mountain!