Kortnie at the 2011 JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes, Tempe Town Lake, Tempe, AZ

Friday, May 17, 2013

Recital Night

It's Kortnie's recital night tonight.  I just dropped her off at her show (my family and I are going to tomorrow's show, we couldn't get tickets for both nights).  I dropped her off with her test kit, a few snacks, some glucose tabs and juice box, and a couple water bottles and her cell phone.  She goes on as performance #26 so she'll be hanging out backstage with her pals for a good while.  I could have stayed backstage with her, but she wanted to do it on her own, so I let her.  I will be going down to check on her a few times, and once my husband gets home from work, I may just go sit there with her.  Usually at dance practice she drops low and I put her pump on a  -50% basal rate, but tonight she was high when I dropped her off 386, probably because she was excited and nervous.  I told her to check her BG again and call me in an hour.  By then Brian will be home and I'll be headed down there to check on her.  Check on her BG, check on her hair and makeup. 
Here she is all ready to go, looking all grown up with her stage makeup.  Sweet and Sassy, I can't wait to see her dance tomorrow night!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Mom Goes a Little Crazy

This past weekend, the kids and I took a trip to Utah.  The reason for the trip was a baby blessing (like a christening...sorta) on our new niece.  My parents don't live far from where we were going to be, so they came up for a day to see us too.  So we spent one day with my side of the family, and one day with my husband's side of the family.
We left Friday after school.  Usually when we travel long distances Kortnie's BG is higher than normal, I guess it's all that sitting.  So, I checked her when I picked her up, she was in range, I let her have a cookie and a cheese stick, bolused for the cookie, and upped her basal rate 50%, that is pretty standard for us to do on road trips.
We drove nine hours, the kids did great, we only stopped twice, Kortnie's blood sugar stayed in range with the help of that +50% basal increase.  We got to our hotel at midnight, I checked her BG and she was good, so I didn't set a 2:30am alarm, I just set the alarm for 6:30am.  She woke up with good numbers and I was happy.
Saturday we ate breakfast at the hotel, which is very carby, waffles, bagels, Danish, muffins, etc.  She had 2 mini waffles, 1/2 a bagel with peanut butter, a mini muffin, some eggs, and bacon.  That is a lot of food and a lot of carbs, but we were on vacation, so I let her have it.  Bolused and set a basal increase.  We headed over to meet my parents and go to the zoo, all was well, her numbers were doing okay.  Then she got a little pissy, so I had her check, she was 318, okay, so that is why she is a little irritated, no biggie though, she had all those carbs for breakfast, gave her a bolus and a bottle of water.  All is well, around 45 minutes later we went for lunch and this is where everything went to hell.
She was in range, like 120's.  I should have known something was up.  We had a sandwich and a small bag of chips, I bolused her for that, she still had IOB from the 318 a little earlier, we had been walking and walking, and I still decided to give her the whole lunch bolus.  I guess I wasn't thinking. After I bolused her my mom brings out cookies.  Kortnie picks a tub of Nutter Butters.
Then my son tells me he doesn't want the crust on his sandwich so I tell him he doesn't have to eat it, well she says she doesn't want her crust either, so I said to her "I guess, you don't have to eat it, the cookies will make up for it, but eat all of the meat and cheese", well she threw away 1/2 of her bread, ate the meat and cheese and started on the cookies slowly, and then later I found out she didn't eat her chips either.  We were walking back into the zoo, and she started stumbling and grabbing at my arm.  We were there with just 3 adults and 6 kids, so I was kind of like "what are you doing?" and then I turned and looked at her and realized she was LOW, I mean by now I can tell just by looking, but she was F'd up and drunkard stumbling and just a mess.  Right then my mom who doesn't know what is going on says "oh look a bird show, lets go sit and watch", I'm like "YES, let's do it!" I'm searching in my backpack for a juice, get the juice out, dad is parking the stroller, mom is corralling 4 kids, I'm trying to get Kortnie a juice and corral my youngest, can't find the freaking straw for the juice, somehow we get sat down and I find a Quickstick in my bag, I'm ripping it open and pouring it in her mouth, getting her checker out and it says 42, but she has a lot of insulin on board.  She's crying and saying that she was walking and everything went black and her stomach hurts.  This one scared her and me too.
Behind Kortnie is her sister, her cousin, my dad, my nephew, and my mom, nobody knows our dilemma.
I found some skittles and smarties in my backpack, she wanted skittles, so I was handing her a few, the birds started flying and skimming our heads, it was pretty cool, she liked it and perked right up.  Phew!  We sat for half an hour or so, she loved the bird show, she ate a few more skittles and asked me why this low was worse than another low of 29 (twenty nine and doing just fine!) she'd had once.  I told her because I think this one came on fast, she was dropping fast and still dropping and excited about the zoo and in a different place and we'd been walking around all day and were still tired from travelling the night before.  Who knows, really, Diabetes is just crazy like that. 
After the bird show we go up to leave and my mom was remarking how it was nice to sit and watch the show and rest for a little bit and I said, "yes, we were having some issues and I'm glad we had a show to watch because we needed to sit and fix Kortnie up"  so mom and dad were like "what we didn't even realize!"  I said it was okay, that if I would have needed help I know they would have helped, that they don't live near us so they wouldn't catch what was going on unless it got too crazy, that they were hanging out with the other kids and that was just what I needed.  I told them what had happened and my dad says "you are a great mom, you know just what to do", and I said "no I am not a great mom, I should have made sure she ate her lunch, and I shouldn't have given her a full lunch bolus, I should have known she'd drop"  they assured me that that wasn't the case.  I got out of my bad mom slump and fed her skittles throughout the day.  Her BG was holding steady and we were doing good.   We stopped off at a gas station after the zoo and got an ice cream cone for the kids and cold drink for me.  Kortnie's BG was in the low 200's, so we bolused for the ice cream, and went to the hotel for swimming.  I checked her after ice cream, before swimming and she was 175 with IOB, so we took the pump off for swimming.  After swimming she was 125, so we put the pump back on and went to Cracker Barrel for dinner.  She ordered mac and cheese, she ate it, she was still hungry, so I gave her some of my mac and cheese and a biscuit and some of my chicken.  We ordered dessert, a double chocolate fudge coke a cola cake with ice cream.  She shared it with her 3 year old cousin.  I gave her more and more insulin for all the extra food and then after dinner set a temp basal increase because that was a lot of carbs.  By 2am she was 101 and I was happy with that. 
Sunday we got up, went to Ihop for breakfast, she had pancakes with banana and sugary strawberries and yogurt, carb, carb, carb.  From then on out she was High all day, I set temp basals, I changed site, I opened new insulin, I gave her an actual shot, and she just stayed high.  We went to church for the baby blessing, we went to a park after for a picnic, we walked and played, she still stayed high, no ketones but HIGH, never came below 250 at one point she was in the high 400's. 
This is where I went a little crazy.  The picnic had lots of desserts, I told her just one dessert, but all the other kids were having a bunch, so I let her have another.  Then I think she snuck something else.  I spend so much time telling her and everyone else that she can eat whatever she wants, she just needs insulin.  This day that came back to bite me.
After the picnic we went over to my brother in laws, they kept talking about ice cream in the freezer, I kept saying, no we don't want any, they kept talking about it more and more, my older daughter wanted some, I said no, Kortnie never asked for any, I know it was because she knew she was high.  She was hungry, I said we'd leave and go find dinner soon, they said they had bananas and brownies and ice cream she could have that.  I said, "no, she can't have that right now" the other kids were getting hungry, I said we'd leave soon to go find some dinner I was hoping Kort's BG would come down so I was stalling them. Again, the freakin' ice cream came up, I said no, we can't have ice cream.  It kept freaking coming up!  I finally said "let's go" say goodbye, since we are leaving early tomorrow morning."  They said, "really we have tons of ice cream take some back to your hotel"  I said, "NO, I really don't want it, I am done, we are going!" 
We left, we went and got some dinner, we got microwave dinners at Walmart and salads.  We went back to our hotel, we ate, I gave Kortnie a shot, I increased her temp basal, finally around 3 am she was under 200, but still 175 at breakfast.  We ate hotel breakfast, I didn't let her have as much junk as she wanted, she didn't argue.  We said goodbye to my MIL who was leaving a little after us, she asked if Kortnie's BG had come down, I said yes, but not as much as it should have, she asked why it was so high.  I told her I didn't know for sure, but probably because we'd been eating like crap all weekend.  We don't normally eat this way at home.  Cookies, waffles, bagels, brownies, dessert at every meal, biscuits, mac and cheese, etc.  I told her I was beyond irritated about the freakin' ice cream everybody kept mentioning and I was sorry I got so irritated but I was tired and PMS'ing too. 
On the way home it took us a little less than 9 hours, Kortnie ran high all the way home, I even gave her a +200% basal increase all day, since we've been back she's still running high, I've increased basals and have been sending her to school with a +30% basal increase, finally last night she hit a low with a 52.  I hated the low, but was glad to see something other than 200 or 300.  She took her site out last night for a change and said it bled a lot, so I guess it was a not so good site.  Hopefully we are the up and up now. 
It was a tough weekend and tough last few D-days.
I am still irritated about all the ice cream nonsense and it brings up other irritants about past dessert issues.  My husband's family seems to live for dessert, whenever we go to a family function or dinner at his mom's there are always 2 or more desserts (a lot of times there are MANY more) and I feel bad telling Kortnie that no she can't have all of it, she can only have one thing, or a little tiny bit of two things, so I let her go overboard and then we pay for it for days afterward.  No matter what we do, whenever we go to these family things she ends up high.  I guess I need to get better at putting my foot down and not only telling her no, but telling the other kids no, and telling the rest of the family, "no we can't have all of that!"
If you are reading this and think I'm talking about you, then I probably am.  Sorry, these are my issues, and I am working them out and trying how to say no without hurting feelings and without making my kids upset, maybe if you see this you can remember the issues I have and try not to encourage or push so many desserts next time you see us.  Yes, Kortnie can have dessert, she just can't have a crapload of it, she can have one piece of one thing, not a piece of everything, nobody needs a piece of everything.  No more saying, "oh we're on vacation, let her have it", or "oh, it's a special occasion, let her have it".  When I as the mom say no, respect it, don't push it or me.  I am about to my breaking point, someday soon I'm gonna blow and I'm going to hurt feelings and I'm going to make people mad and then I'm going to feel like an a-hole for doing it.