Dear Diabetes

Dear Diabetes,

On this date, November 8th, 3 years ago in 2009 you came barreling into my daughters life.  Actually, I'm pretty sure you came into her life awhile before that, but it was on this day, 3 years ago that we found out you were here, and here to stay. 

We've fought the good fight for 3 years, we'll keep on fighting forever if we have to.

 

I will never forget that day, looking down at my little girl so tired and weak, sleeping in her daddy's lap in a church pew, looking like a bag of bones, while I was up on the stand participating in the Primary program.   I will never forget telling my husband, "I'm taking her to the ER, right now" and marveling at the fact that he didn't even try to tell me it would be okay to wait until tomorrow morning when the doctor was in.  I will never forget how she just laid there in that big hospital bed and was too weak to fight off the needle stealing the blood from her arm.  Soon after someone came and told me she had Diabetes, I had to wait a good hour and a half after that to call Brian, he was still at church with no cell phone.  I will never forget the doctors telling me that she was in bad shape and they couldn't keep her at our local hospital, they were afraid she'd go into coma or have a heart attack, they said she had to be flown to Phoenix.  I will never forget them strapping her to a travel gurney and loading her into that helicopter.  Thank the Lord the let me fly down with her, my one and only unforgettable helicopter ride was anything but enjoyable.  I will never forget sitting in the PICU with Kortnie and crying at the site of 7 different tubes of stuff going into her IV. I will always be forever grateful that Brian didn't get there until the next afternoon, by then we were out of the PICU and in a regular room, Kortnie looked so much better, he won't have to live with that frightening image in his head.  I will never forget those 5 days we spent in the hospital, Kortnie, Brian, and I, away from our other kids, missing them like crazy, and scared of how much our lives were changing.  I will never forget the fear, the anger, the fright, the despair, and the confusion I felt. 

 

 I don't know what Kortnie remembers of that time, because I am afraid to ask her.  She does say that you, dear diabetes, you suck.

 

3 years with Type 1 Diabetes, Kortnie added 'It sucks!'

 

 

The other day, we were at Walmart which is right across the street from the hospital.  A helicopter took off, likely flying someone to Phoenix, Brian and I stood in the parking lot watching that helicopter fly away, I said a prayer for whoever was in there.  I looked at Brian watching that helicopter and he told me, "that makes me sad", I told him it made me sad too.  Every time I hear a helicopter fly over my house, I get scared that something has happened to Kortnie at school and that helicopter is going to pick her up.  I can't shake it, it's been 3 years and I can't shake the fear.

 

You know what though, dear diabetes, you have changed us, all of us, and maybe, just maybe, some of those changes are okay.  We eat a little healthier, we've met so many wonderful people, we've made friends in real life, and friends in our computers, we've learned so much, we've been able to teach.  Kortnie is strong, really strong, you have made her extra strong.  You have also made her better at math.  You have given us compassion too.   You aren't winning and you never will.  We will continue to fight, to live, and to strive to advocate and teach, and to look for a cure. 

 

Kortnie and her girls from the Aztec Cabin at D-Camp

 

Kortnie and Sugar at the JDRF Walk

 

 

Kortnie at the JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes 2012, fundraising for a cure.

 

 

 

Don't get me wrong, I hate you, and I try not to hate anything, but I really do hate you, I would kick you to the curb, or take you from Kortnie anytime.  I'll keep the stuff you've given us though. 

 

Today we celebrate, 3 years of kicking your ass.  You still scare me, you still suck, you will still try to take over our lives, but we won't let you, you won't beat us, we'll keep fighting, forever.  You haven't just invaded Kortnie's life, but you've invaded my home, the lives of my family, you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us.  We've made beating you a family affair, with all of us working together, you don't have a chance. 

A 3 year D-Aversary celebration ice cream cone. Yes, she can eat that!

 

Graham and Stasia say it sucks too.

Watch out diabetes, we've got our eye on you!

 



Sincerely,
Kortnie's Family

 

 

 

Day 8 in the Wego NHBPM, the prompt was Write a letter to your Health.

 

 

Kortnie's Diabetes Fact of the day

 

3 years today, living with Type 1 Diabetes
11,000 finger sticks
1,260 syringe injections
320 site changes
16 doctor visits

14 blood draws
5 days in the hospital
2 eye dialations
1urgent care visit
1 ER visit
1 helicopter ride
All because of Type 1 Diabetes
 That's only 3 years, she is only 8 years old, she needs a cure.



 

 



 

 

 



I got a letter from Kortnie (from Diabetes Camp)

In yesterday's mail there was finally a letter from Kortnie.  As you know she's at Diabetes Camp AZDA right now.  We dropped her off on Saturday and I was kind of hoping that by Monday she'd have written a letter, and that we'd get on by Wednesday.  Well, Wednesdays the mailman came and went with no mail from her.  Not only did I not get a letter on Wed., but nobody else did either.  Sigh.  So Thursday came and I ran out to the mailbox as soon as I hear the mailman out there, and yes! there was a letter from her.  I was so excited, I ripped open the envelope and read it out there crying and smiling.  I came in the house, texted Brian that we got a letter, and also took a picture of it and posted it to Facebook.  Brian quickly called to hear about the letter.  I read it to him over the phone.  It took me a few minutes to get myself together and read it to him because I was crying so much.  I'm a crier, he's used to it, sometimes it makes me crazy though. 

Here is what she wrote, I typed it up using her spelling and grammer.  Gotta work on that. 

 hi mom, dad, Graham & anastasia. What are you doing I miss you so!!! bad I would write more ov these! but I don't have more spac (she only used 1/2 the page, LOL) on Saterday I went swiming on Sunday I rode a horse by my self it was fun. I went swiming agen on Monday. Tusday we went rock climming. and I made it to the top it was fun can send you more envelope for I can write you gise one more time. Love Kortnie 

Note to self:  Next year send more envelopes addressed to me!  I'm so happy that she misses us so!!!bad  I am so happy she's having so much fun.  I hope she got a picture of herself on that horse and rock climbing.  I hope she's using her camera.  Her Grandma got her 2 of those disposable cameras each with 27 pictures.  Its going to be hard to wait to get those photos developed.  I don't know if anywhere up here does 1 hour prints from those.  I think it might  have to be a 2 or 3 day thing.  I'm used to instant photos these digital days.  It'll be easier waiting for those pictures than it was waiting for mail from her or waiting to go pick her up.  I wish she'd have written about what she's been eating or what her blood sugars are.  Those are the things I've been worrying about most, she's a picky eater (what kid isn't?).  I guess if she didn't write about her blood sugar's than they are okay or they are not making a big deal out of the bad/good numbers, which is good because I want her to have fun and I do trust that there at D-Camp her numbers will be monitored and handled.

I am also kind of excited to see that my husband is worrying some and missing Kortnie too.  I knew he'd miss her, she's his buddy, but I never think he worries too much.  He doesn't deal with the minute to minute-ness of diabetes as much as I do.  He is a hardworking dad and husband.  He works 50+ hours a week and is gone from 7am-6:45pm, 5 days a week.  I do 99.9% of Kortnie's diabetes stuff: site changes, night checks, carb counting, doctor visits, insulin configuring, etc.  It's not that he refuses to do it.  He just isn't home for alot of it and in the scheme of things it's just easier for me to get up and do the night checks (I set an alarm for 2:30am, it goes off, I get up do the check, go to the bathroom and back to bed...if it was him, the alarm would go off, he'd turn it off and go back to sleep, I'd have to kick him to wake him up, it would take 5 minutes, he'd finally get up, go check her, come back and then I'd want to know what her number was and what he did about it....see easier for me to do it myself, LOL)  Anyways, most some of the time I feel like he takes it for granted that I do everything, he doesn't ask about her numbers too often, although the past few weeks he has been wondering what her numbers are more often, seems he asks me about the 8pm and 10:30pm numbers most often, of course those are the ones he's home and awake for.  On his days off he does check out her numbers and attempt to do some measuring/carb counting and is getting better at it (I like him to do it MY WAY, not his way...he's getting there and I'm learning to let him do it his way more often) .  While we were gone to Laughlin, we called our other 2 kids every day, but there was no way to call Kortnie, we were pretty much told not to by the camp and we were struggling to follow the rules.  One evening after talking to Stasia and Graham he said to me, "I wish we could call Kortnie".  On the day we dropped her off, I cried and cried, he had his sunglasses on and I know he was sad too, but I didn't get to see if his eyes were tearing up too, I bet they were.   Yesterday when he called to hear about the letter I could tell over the phone he was a bit choked up too, but he was laughing type of choked up.  That was sweet.  Last night when he got home he looked over the letter and got a little teary eyed and said he wishes he could go with me to pick her up.  I told him I'd have her call him as soon as we got in the car.  That made him so happy.  It was good for me to see his feelings, not that I'm glad that he's kind of sad and missing her, but glad that I'm not alone in my feelings. 

Even though it's been a LONG week, it's been a good one.  Brian and I got to spend a much needed weekend away just the 2 of us, marriges take work and I tend to get busy with kids (and Diabetes) and he gets put on the back burner.  It was good to put us on the front burner and be reminded of eachother.  I got to spend some extra quality time with Stasia and Graham, Stasia really needs that.  I got to make some really Carby dinners and not worry about what Kortnie's blood sugars had been all day.  Admittedly Stasia and Graham got to eat more junk more carefreely than usual.  No not necessarily a good thing for them, but hey, they need to live it up a little too, right?

This time tomorrow I will be on my way to pick up my girl.  I am so excited, I can't wait to hear all of her stories and adventures, about the new friends she's made and about how she wants to go back next year.  I really hope she wants to go back.  One girl we met on drop off day was a DC, diabetic counselor, she told us she'd been going to Camp AZDA for 11 years ever since she was 7.  I know that Kortnie is the type of personality that could grow into being a DC and I hope she continues to go to camp, foster these friendships, and become a DC someday.  If she has to have Type 1 Diabetes, I hope she does something good with it.