Day 10, A Little Funny for Your Saturday Morning

Today's prompt is to write a LOL post, write something funny or share something you thought was funny. 

Diabetes has give us a few funny moments, I wrote about one awhile back in Peeing on Sticks, Ketones or Pregnancy?

A funny little conversation between Kortnie and I.  Here is an excerpt from that post.

Tomorrow is my son's birthday (Kortnie's little brother), Kortnie asked what time Graham was born. I said something like 6:30am, she got out his baby book to look, she came across something I had written about how I found out I was pregnant on Halloween day and the conversation went like this....

Kortnie: How'd you find out you're pregnant on Halloween Day?
Me: I peed on a stick and it told me.
Kortnie: Eeeeewwww!
Me: That's how you find out, you pee on a stick and it tells you if you are pregnant or not.
Kortnie: Oh! Just like ketones! (when she checks for ketones she most often pees on a stick, and it changes color depending on how many ketones she has, ketones are bad, it means your body is burning fat for energy instead of burning the glucose for energy, they can make you very sick)
Me: Um, yeah, just like that.....but better

Things only a Type 1 Kid would think of.

And yeah, peeing on stick and finding out if you are pregnant is way better that peeing on a stick and finding out you have ketones.

She looked thru his baby book further and read what I wrote about him sleeping for 22 hours straight after he was born and not eating, the nurses poked his heel and he had low blood sugar and so they poured sugar water on my nipple and stripped him down and made him cold so he would wake up and eat.

She thought that was the meanest thing and is now concerned about him having low BG when he was a brand new baby. 

One other funny thing I can think of, we were shopping once, shortly after diagnosis, and I had been looking at the sides of boxes and checking out the carbs on things, I guess I would sort of read out loud and talk to myself and compare different things,carb-wise and money-wise.

So, we were shopping, just Graham and I, he was 2 when Kortnie was diagnosed, so he probably would have been maybe around 3 when this happened.

He wanted some brownies or cupcakes or something, we were in the baking aisle at Walmart, it was one of those rare times when I let him out of the cart to walk around with me.  He picked up a box of brownie mix, turned it to the side, and said to himself, or to me,

"Oh, brownies, eight-seven carbs, we can have that!" and put it in the cart.

Funny!  Well, funny to me.  He was just a little guy, he didn't know how to read, but he did know that carbs was something that mommy liked to look at.  And, no there were eighty-seven carbs in a brownie, he was just making stuff up, because he thought that would get him the brownies.  Well, yes, he's so cute and funny, he got the brownies. 

Graham is my little guy, he sticks close to me and helps me with everything, he is exactly 3 years younger than Kortnie and 5 years younger than Stasia, so when we are all home, he is usually hanging out with me and helping me.  He still to this day, will go to the bottom of the stairs and call up to the girls fro me when it is dinner time. 

"Girls!  It's time for dinner, Kortnie come check your Diaaaabeeeteees!"

Graham will never remember a life without diabetes in our house.  It's all normal to him.  The rest of us remember life before diabetes, but he doesn't.  I think its kind of funny.

He is 5 now, she is 8, our oldest is almost 10.  Lately, he's been telling her he is a robot, because he is a boy, he likes robots and transformers and he thinks its cool that his sister has robot parts, tubes coming out of her and little computers on her belt, a little thing that sucks up her blood and gives her numbers.  It's all really cool to him.  I keep telling them we should look for the show Bionic Woman on Netflix because Kork is like the Bionic Woman. 

 This is Kortnie with her cousin H who is 3, we don't live close to these guys, so we don't see them often, I think this was the 2nd time we've been around little H.  Over the summer we were all at Grandpa and Grandma's house together.  She was very interested in "Kortnie's buttons", she ask us, "I push buttons?"  Um, no, please don't pus the buttons, cute girl.  She wanted to check her BG, everytime Kortnie would get her stuff out, little H would come running over to see if she could help push buttons or check her own BG.  So funny and cute.

We never ended up checking little H's BG, because I just didn't want to poke her and make her bleed.  But, we did give her a site, one of Kortnie's sites went bad, so it was still sticky when we pulled it off, Hannah was there watching of course, and we gave her the old site.  We did not insert it with a needle, we just stuck it on her with a sticker and let the tube hang down.  She was going around showing everyone, that she has a "pink heart on my arm, like Kortnie"  she wore all evening and wore it to bed, it fell off in her sleep, but she found it and stuck it back on in the morning and wore it until all the stick finally wore off.  She made Kortnie feel good, can you tell by the smile on Kork's face?  She thought it was funny and she liked it too. 





Diabetes Fact of the Day

Kortnie is slowly losing or mixing up her memories of life before diabetes, eventually she won't really remember much of life before D, because really, how many of us have vivid pre 5 year old memories?   It is kind of sad to me that she won't remember a life without her disease, but it could also be a little of a blessing too I guess.  Sometimes I think that I am glad she developed it so young because that way it is easier for us to teach her how to take care of herself if she doesn't remember anything else.  But, then I feel guilty about thinking that. 

CareGiver

In the March issue of Woman's Day Magazine there is a section about Caregiver's. It's aimed at the generation of (mostly) Women who are taking care of an older family member. I read through it because, I figure that someday I'll be in this spot. Although the articles are talking about caring for an older adult I saw a lot of similarities to what I do now as a Caregiver/Pancreas for Kortnie.

Yes, she's my kid not an older adult, yes when I choose to be a mom I knew I'd be a "caregiver" to my kids, yes, I care for my other 2 kids too, but when I signed up to be a mommy, I DID NOT sign up to be a Pancreas too, I love all my kids and would do anything for any of them, it's not my fault or Kortnie's fault that her stinkin' pancreas doesn't work, it's just the hand we were delt. Being a wife and mother is hard enough on a good day, but when you add in a kid with a Chronic Illness and you have to literally be thinking about EVERYTHING SHE EATS OR DOES OR WILL BE DOING all the time just to keep her alive, that's a whole new ballgame. Mothering and Caregiving for this kid is taken to a whole new level!

The article that really stood out to me is "Stop Caregiver Burnout" on page 115
Here is a quote from the beginning of the article:
"You know the saying 'If the plane is losing oxygen, put on your own msk firs, then your child's.' If you're caring for a loved one, this applies to you, too. But with over half of caregivers reporting that they're eating poorly and not excercising and three quarters not going to their doctors regularly, it seems that most of them have abandoned their own oxygen masks. And understandably so: Though taking care of a loved one can certainly be fulfilling, there's no denying that it's emotionally taxing."
The article has these 3 main topics:
1 You Resent the Responsibility- It's inevitable that you'll feel frustrated-even angry-about how much of your life you're giving up and how hard the task is Yes! Sometimes this is me
2 You're Grappling with your own Mortality- Taking care of someone who's sick inevitably brings up questions like "Will someone take care of me someday" I wasn't thinking this, but now I am, but really I think this part of the article applies more towards the woman in her 50's and 60's who's taking care of an older adult
3 You Feel GUILTY- As a caregiver, you're making so many important, life changing decisions that it's all too easy to second-guess yourself. Are we teaching her the right way to take care of herself? Did we choose the right pump, doctor, insulin? Are we letting her make enough choices for herself? Will she be able to do this on her own someday, what if I'm not here to take care of her? Does she have independance? Am I forcing her to use a pump or CGM?

Anyways, this article hit home for me. Mostly I struggle with topics 1 and 3. Kortnie was diagnosed in November of 2009, I had only been back to work after having my son for a little over a year. I enjoyed going to work and talking with adults, I was working on losing baby weight, I was plugging along just fine and trying to make myself feel good about me. Then BAM! Diabetes hit like a freight train. I ended up quitting my job, I eventually gained back all the weight I'd lost and then some, everything I did was centered around Diabetes, learning all I could about it, figuring out the best ways to take care of Kortnie, learning how to do shots, choosing pumps, advocating, fundraising, a little whining too. So much, so much, everything was about Diabetes, I lost myself in my grief, I'm pretty sure I neglected my other kids, my husband, myself and maybe even Kortnie a little-not her D-but her Korkyness.

I'm happy to say that somewhere along the way I realized what was going on, I began to resent that D has done this to me, and I'm working at fixing it. I am learning to take more time for myself, I'm working on excercising and getting back in shape, I've been losing weight slowly, I have been getting dressed more often, spending time with friends and my husband, and more non-D time with my kids. I am finding the old me and I am getting my Happy back. No more diving back into bed or burrying my head in the sand. I'm gonna work really hard about not Bitching about what Diabetes is taking away from, but you can bet your ass that I'll still be bitching about what it takes away from Kortnie. well maybe I won't stop bitching, a little ranting and venting can work wonders here and there, I'm gonna own my resentment!

The guilt, that's a tough nut to crack, that's going to be a little harder, it probably won't ever go away, the article says guilt is natural and that it's okay as long as you aknowledge it and don't let it eat at you. I'll work on that, I just hope that even if I make the wrong choices for her now, she'll know someday that I did the best I could and every choice I make or made I will do thoughtfully, carefully and out of love.

Do you feel resentful, guilty or wonder about your own mortality?

Wanderings of my Thoughts

On the way down to The Valley (Phoenix area) last week for Kortnie's Endo visit I had time to think and let my mind wander. It's a 230 mile drive, my husband was driving, the kids were busy with their Ipods and DSi's. We were in an area where there was no radio service so I put in a few CD's, held hubby's hand and took in the scenery.

Then the song "My Sharona" came on. This song always makes me think of a work friend I had a while ago, maybe 15 years ago. I was young, unmarried and not a mom then. She was probably closer to the age I am now. She had a few kids, one of them had Cystic Fibrosis, CF. I can't remember how old he was maybe around 10. Anyways, he was sick and dying. I didn't know much about CF, and I guess I still don't. I did remember having a friend with CF back in maybe 7th grade. I remember my friend coming to work and always having a smile on her face, she'd occasionally tell us what was going on with her son and I remember her taking days off to do things with him. Anything from Dr visits to special outings, a Make A Wish trip and Hospital stays. We all would make sure to pick up her shifts so she could have this time off with her son and family. She made sure to work enough to keep her medical insurance. After a few months of her son being really ill, he passed away. It was sad, and all of us felt really bad for her. Like I mentioned before, I was young, unmarried and childless. I felt sorry for my friend, but I don't think I ever really felt too sympathetic towards her. Not to make myself sound harsh and I knew it must have been an awful thing for her to lose her child and to actually watch him die and know it was coming, but how could I have known the extent of her feelings. Now when I hear that song on the radio I think of her and my heart breaks for her. Now that I have my own kids and I realize how awful it must have been for her and her family.

So, here we were headed to Kortnie's Endo appointment and I'm thinking of my old friend who had a son with a chronic and deadly disease, I remember how upbeat and postive she always seemed and how she seemed to really live life. Could it be that facing the mortality of her son made her more inclined to LIVE? So that got me to thinking about how we live. Now I am not about to compare Kortnie's T1 to CF and I know that Kortnie isn't dieing right now, but I do think that if no cure is found, T1 or Complications becasue of T1 will eventually probably be the thing that Kortnie dies from. I know (hope) that she'll live a long life as long as we continue to take care of her T1 and teach her how to take care of herself. But, here's my question. Has your kids T1 diagnosis made you live life any more adventurous or fuller than you had been? It seems like my family is just plugging along. We don't do anything more adventurous or extreme, and well, I'd like to. Not because I (we) are faced with Kortnie's T1, but because we are all faced with mortality, anything could happen at any time, right?

Brian and I have always talked about possibly moving, we'd love to live close to the water, Washington, Oregon, Northern California, Maine, South Carolina, even Alaska. As we were driving thru the Salt River Canyon I thought to myself that even though it's a dream of mine to live close to the water, I still think it's beautiful here in Arizona and I enjoy living here. I'd like to appreciate it more, explore, take pictures, go hiking, spend time with my family. Live our lives to the fullest each day. And maybe someday, we'll get out dream and be able to live somewhere else, or maybe someday we'll take our kids to visit these places and enjoy the time we have visiting these places.